I’ve been a bit absent in the blogosphere this week – too busy celebrating my birthday, entertaining family visitors, and enjoying the 2 plus feet of snow we got in the Wasatch while also trying to catch up with work and recover from my SEND at the Buffalo 50K this past weekend.

So I finished the big race and knocked off numero dos on the life list.  I did it and surprised the hell out of myself.  I don’t think I have ever been so proud of myself.  Not just because I finished the race but also because I finished the race smiling.

Can't believe I am still smiling

The only goal I had for the race was to finish.  I wasn’t aiming for any specific time, I just wanted to make it across the finish line.  Well I guess I had one more goal and that was to finish the race with a smile on my face.  I tend to crash or hurl during the last few miles of the race and usually cross the finish line looking super pissed off.

One unfortunate thing about running in the desert is that there are no trees (or really anything) to obscure your view.  I could see the finish line for miles before I ever got there, which I thought would be torturous but instead rejuvenated me.  I have no idea how I could feel suddenly energized after being on my feet for 7 hours – maybe some sort of evolutionary survival instinct kicked in.  I couldn’t have shed that smile off my face if someone paid me.  I probably ran that last mile faster than any of the other 31 and approached the finish line laughing and smiling.  I was elated or quite possibly delirious.

Feeling stoked pre-race

Halfway through the race I had made a promise to myself that I would never do this again and now I am searching race listings for another.  I definitely draw the line at the 50K though (during my race there was a simultaneous 50-miler, those people must be nuts).  Now that I know I can run a 50K  I want to see if I can pick up the pace a little (since I ran super slow).

Here’s a bit more about the race itself if you’re interested.

Oh so cold at the start!

The Buffalo 50K is on Antelope Island on the Great Salt Lake and involves 2-laps of a sixteen-mile course with amazing views of the Great Salt Lake and the Wasatch, Oquirrh, and Stansbury Mountains.  The course is a mix of double-track and some seriously awesome single-track.  The trail for the most part is rolling with a bunch of steep ascents thrown in.  Quite sandy at times, my new Dirty Girl Gaiters worked fabulous – not only are they super cute, I didn’t even get a grain of sand in the shoes.

The race started at 8am and oh was it chilly.  It was around 35 degrees and the wind whipping off the lake made it feel even colder.  My toes were totally numb the first few miles until we crested the first big hill and got a little sun.  The rest of the day was absolutely gorgeous, the most perfect day I could imagine.

Views of the Great Salt Lake from Antelope Island

My hip flexors cramped up pretty bad at the halfway point and I am pretty sure I won’t do a race again where you need to do multiple laps of the course.  Imagine running 16 miles just so you can return to the same place you started and do it all over again.  Laps suck!  With crampy hips and a crappy attitude, I definitely felt like quitting at this point but I just kept going and eventually got over the hump.

The race peeps were wonderful and I really love the energy of these races.  I didn’t hear a single negative word or catch a single negative vibe out on the race course.  All the other racers are encouraging and supportive – even the pukers didn’t have an ill word to say.  At around the 27-mile point I pass a man that looks like utter death and ask him how he’s doing and he responds, “Great!  I couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day.”  Sheesh I wish the rest of my world was like this.

The Buffalo of Antelope Island

Tomorrow I am getting up at the ass crack of dawn and running my first ultramarathon – 32-miles of dirt, sand, and rock.  And mind you I am no hardcore – I simply decided to attack something on the life list.

This morning, I revisited the life list hoping to rouse some confidence and panicked.  Then I did what any reasonably human being would do and bought a hula-hoop.  The truth is I didn’t want to fail miserably at the first thing I attempted on my life list so in order to make myself feel better I successfully accomplished a superficial task and purchased a cutie hoop from HipEHoops on Etsy.  Plus I’ve really wanted a serious hula hoop for some time now and it collapses and can fit into a backpack – stoke!

I can’t remember the last time I tried to do something that I wasn’t very well sure I could do – maybe I have never done anything I didn’t feel totally capable of.  I quite honestly don’t know if I can run 32 miles and this isn’t just the pre-race jitters talking.  50-kilometers is a long ass way and up until 3-years a go I had never run over a 5K.  Sure I’ve trained but seriously what the freak was I thinking?!?

Last night I listened to this Buddhist meditation talk and it spoke about acknowledging your fears as away of accepting them and letting them go… So what am I afraid of?  My hamstrings cramping up, hurling, my ankle swelling up (cuz it does that sometimes for no apparent reason), passing out, quitting and then having to tell everyone that I suck, losing control of my bowels (all you long distance runners out there will understand this one and the rest of you will go ewe), weird leg itchy phenomenon, and getting charged by buffalos (yes buffalos).

I know I have the cardio to make it that far but there are just too many other factors and I seriously question the ability of my stomach to deal with such stress.  I love this Sunny Blende quote – “Ultras are just eating and drinking contests, with a little exercise and scenery thrown in.”  I totally agree.  I just get so darned hungry (I am blessed with a super high metabolism) and tend to eat everything in sight at the aid stations.  I regretfully grabbed a handful of candy corn towards the end of the last race I did and sadly hurled them up right before the finish line.

So tomorrow when you wake up – think of me running.  Then tomorrow when you are enjoying your weekend brunch and drinking mimosas – think of me running.  Then tomorrow when you are reading a book and taking your afternoon nap – think of me running.  Then tomorrow when you start thinking about eating dinner – think of me still running…

I have been working on my life list for a while but was motivated to post it after reading A Life Well Lived: Developing a Personal Manifesto and downing half a bottle of red.  There is something about red wine that fuels internal reflection followed by copious amounts of tears.

I have recently made some huge life changes and I admit am having a bit of difficulty with all this new found freedom.  I feel a bit scattered, unfocused, and distracted.  Working on my own manifesto can perhaps help me commit more firmly to creating that creative life I so desire.  I really like the idea of crossing out items as I go.  I think creating a personal manifesto will remind me of all the reasons I chose this path in the first place.  For ideas on how to create your own personal manifesto see Gwen Bell’s inspiring piece on How to Create Your Personal Manifesto.

Here are 100+ things I would like to do before well – leaving this life:

Knit a beanie – Tap dance – Spin fire – Run an ultramarthon – Get braces – Learn Spanish – Perform with a bluegrass band – Adopt a homeless pup – Go on a meditation retreat – Get married – Live in a cabin without electricity – Have a bookshelf with a ladder on it – Make dandelion wine – Have a garden- Learn how to can vegetables – Do a pull up – Write a song – Learn how to Irish dance – Bake a pie – Be my own best friend – Write a book – Don’t revert to cubicle life – Take violin lessons – Volunteer on an organic farm – Be able to take 2 steps on a slack line – Buy a hula hoop – Finish the Artist’s Way – Highlight my hair – Go on a 3-month long road trip – Be a camp host – Volunteer at an orphanage – Walk barefoot in a French vineyard – Visit New York City – Get a Master’s Degree in something fun – Cycle through Scotland – Deep water solo – Do a multi-pitch route – Run a road marathon – Attend Burning Man – Paraglide – Hike through Patagonia – Visit a Tibetan Monastary – Author a Lonely Planet guidebook – Lounge on beaches in the Dominican Republic – Hike the Na Pali Coast Trail – Drink a Guinness in an Irish Pub – Work at a National Park – Live somewhere where in the winter you have to ski to your door – Tell a story on This American Life – Volunteer a weekend at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary – Cross a border in a smuggler’s truck – Read all of The People’s History of the United States – Backpack a 200+mile trail – Lead 5.11 – Live in another country for at least 6 months – Eat noodles in Thailand – Ski in New Zealand – Rock Climb in Potrero Chico – Be in Mexico on el Dia de los Muertos – Visit Salvador Dali’s museum – Trek to Machu Picchu – Hike France’s 100-mile GR20 trail – Spend a weekend in Portland – Visit Michael Heizer’s Earthworks in Nevada – Visit Frida’s home in Mexico City – Have my very own cappuccino machine – Have a job that betters people’s lives – Run through a cornfield – Have a hammock in the backyard – Sip cocktails on a porch swing when I am 70 – Watch ever episode of the Muppets – Give birth – Drive to Alaska – See the giant Redwoods – Raft down the Salmon River – Go on an archeological dig – Do an adventure race – Throw my parents an anniversary bash – Get a hot stone massage