This past September was a very exciting month for me. It was the first month I made enough to pay my bills and eat SOLELY from writing. I was pretty proud since it had only been a year since I quit my job to pursue this so called writing life and I honestly thought it would take a heck of a lot longer if at all. October followed suit and how do I celebrate? I take a 40-hour a week office job.

Last Monday I returned to a desk just a few doors down from the office I left 14 months ago. It all happened so fast I’ve barely had a chance to process it. The truth is, the last month or so I’ve had quite a bit of trouble writing, thinking, and sleeping. My savings had dwindled to a serious low and the stress about my lack of health insurance (I am ineligible for comprehensive coverage because of a stupid pre-existing condition that isn’t even a big deal) had me applying at Starbucks.

I sent an email to my old boss to tell her I was using her as a reference for my Starbucks application and a few days later I got a job offer and it wasn’t from a coffee shop.

They would pay me my old salary and then some, give me full benefits, and I only needed to commit through July of next year. I would be helping to get a new grant off the ground and once data collection gets started early summer I would be once again set free.

I didn’t even hesitate. I took the job and started 6 days later.

I was for sure I would have some serious meltdown this past week, but the opposite has happened. I’ve had so much energy. Maybe it is the relief of knowing when my next paycheck is coming and the thrill of knowing that I’ve been living off a fifth of what’s going to be coming in. Hopefully all the excess will go right into the bank so I can take one big ass trip come next July. And health insurance – that feels soooo good.

Going back to the cube doesn’t mean I’ve failed (like I thought at first); it really is an incredible opportunity. I love my co-workers, I like that I get to work on a project that directly impacts people’s lives, I get to ride the train everyday (which I love), and I do enjoy a wee bit of stability. I love that my window looks out over the entire Salt Lake Valley and that a major earthquake support beam sits right behind my desk so I will be in the safest place when the big one finally hits Salt Lake.

Funny thing is I think I will be more productive with writing now that I have a 40-hour a week job. I was pretty poor at my time management and productivity (or lack thereof) habits even though I’ve read the Power of Less twice. I’ve always been more organized and productive the busier that I am.

I am really psyched to let go of a few of my horribly paying writing jobs and focus on the jobs I am stoked about. I took a few crap jobs to help me ease my money worries and they have been seriously sucking my soul.

I see this as a time to refocus.  I am going to read lots, write about topics of interest to me, dream big, drink lots of coffee, focus on my blogs, and run a ton (since I am running another 50K in February eek) all while working the 9 to 5. Oh and I celebrated my new job by buying a TBEX ticket since now I know I am going to be able to afford to go – yay!

Last night I dreamt that the right half of my jaw literally fell out of mouth, at first I thought it had to do with the Nova episode I watched last night about Machu Picchu (there were lots and lots of skeletons and jawbones and teeth – check it out it is awesome).  But then I got this odd sense of déjà vu like this wasn’t the first time I had dreamed this.

After spending the entire morning severely disturbed about that dream with increasing tightness in my jaw, I went to my favorite dream interpreting website, Dreamforth, and this is what they had to say.  “To dream that you break or dislocated your jaw, suggests that you are compromising your own beliefs and principles.”

I read this out loud to my boyfriend and he said, “Ahh that totally makes sense.”  And I was like, “Huh?”  And he was like, “you are totally compromising all your own goals by taking on all this other work.”  And then I was like, “Oh.”  You see I have this way of not recognizing my stresses.  My physical body notices but my mind stays oblivious.

At the end of this month it will be 6-months since I left my job to pursue grander things.  I quit my job then headed to Colorado for an internship with a magazine and then came back to Salt Lake where I have been dallying in all sorts of writing projects and self-improvement endeavors.

For some extra cash and a ski pass, I have been waiting tables a night or two a week at one of the area resorts.  Not a problem, I actually find waiting tables a blast and a nice break from the laptop and solitary writing life.

Well a week or so ago I got an email from my old boss with the subject line “Don’t kill me.”  The rest of the email read “Wow! You are doing all kinds of writing and living. Good for you. I don’t want to insult you. Do you need $$$? We just lost a coder… are you interested in part-time, out-of-office, temporary work.”  She even went on to say “you can work at home (or even in nature with a battery).”

This email demonstrates a snippet of the amazing job I gave up and how well my boss knew me.  I worked for the University of Utah and managed some grants for one amazing woman.  I ran research studies and did some statistics and database programming.  I got the most ridiculously amazing benefits (like $8/month health insurance with no deductible), discounts on tuition, total flexibility, and a great crew of co-workers, but I unfortunately outgrew the position (I must be totally insane).

The truth is I miss it.   I miss the people, I miss the stability, and I miss the structure.  Why do you always have to leave something to realize how wonderful it is?  Well actually I did know how great it was while I was there but I thought I had to leave before I got too comfortable and never gave my dreams a real shot.

So I said yes.  The work is only temporary, and I get a good chunk of cash to help me out with my summer on the road cuz as it looks I am going to need it – a few weeks in Central America, followed by a month in Hawaii, and then a month long climbing trip in the West…  Sure I am worried about how all this extra work will “compromise my principles” – but things always have there way of working out.  And hell I can earn some cash working in nature (with a battery) if I please.

And yes I just rediscovered photo booth