Last night I dreamt that the right half of my jaw literally fell out of mouth, at first I thought it had to do with the Nova episode I watched last night about Machu Picchu (there were lots and lots of skeletons and jawbones and teeth – check it out it is awesome).  But then I got this odd sense of déjà vu like this wasn’t the first time I had dreamed this.

After spending the entire morning severely disturbed about that dream with increasing tightness in my jaw, I went to my favorite dream interpreting website, Dreamforth, and this is what they had to say.  “To dream that you break or dislocated your jaw, suggests that you are compromising your own beliefs and principles.”

I read this out loud to my boyfriend and he said, “Ahh that totally makes sense.”  And I was like, “Huh?”  And he was like, “you are totally compromising all your own goals by taking on all this other work.”  And then I was like, “Oh.”  You see I have this way of not recognizing my stresses.  My physical body notices but my mind stays oblivious.

At the end of this month it will be 6-months since I left my job to pursue grander things.  I quit my job then headed to Colorado for an internship with a magazine and then came back to Salt Lake where I have been dallying in all sorts of writing projects and self-improvement endeavors.

For some extra cash and a ski pass, I have been waiting tables a night or two a week at one of the area resorts.  Not a problem, I actually find waiting tables a blast and a nice break from the laptop and solitary writing life.

Well a week or so ago I got an email from my old boss with the subject line “Don’t kill me.”  The rest of the email read “Wow! You are doing all kinds of writing and living. Good for you. I don’t want to insult you. Do you need $$$? We just lost a coder… are you interested in part-time, out-of-office, temporary work.”  She even went on to say “you can work at home (or even in nature with a battery).”

This email demonstrates a snippet of the amazing job I gave up and how well my boss knew me.  I worked for the University of Utah and managed some grants for one amazing woman.  I ran research studies and did some statistics and database programming.  I got the most ridiculously amazing benefits (like $8/month health insurance with no deductible), discounts on tuition, total flexibility, and a great crew of co-workers, but I unfortunately outgrew the position (I must be totally insane).

The truth is I miss it.   I miss the people, I miss the stability, and I miss the structure.  Why do you always have to leave something to realize how wonderful it is?  Well actually I did know how great it was while I was there but I thought I had to leave before I got too comfortable and never gave my dreams a real shot.

So I said yes.  The work is only temporary, and I get a good chunk of cash to help me out with my summer on the road cuz as it looks I am going to need it – a few weeks in Central America, followed by a month in Hawaii, and then a month long climbing trip in the West…  Sure I am worried about how all this extra work will “compromise my principles” – but things always have there way of working out.  And hell I can earn some cash working in nature (with a battery) if I please.

And yes I just rediscovered photo booth

I have been working on my life list for a while but was motivated to post it after reading A Life Well Lived: Developing a Personal Manifesto and downing half a bottle of red.  There is something about red wine that fuels internal reflection followed by copious amounts of tears.

I have recently made some huge life changes and I admit am having a bit of difficulty with all this new found freedom.  I feel a bit scattered, unfocused, and distracted.  Working on my own manifesto can perhaps help me commit more firmly to creating that creative life I so desire.  I really like the idea of crossing out items as I go.  I think creating a personal manifesto will remind me of all the reasons I chose this path in the first place.  For ideas on how to create your own personal manifesto see Gwen Bell’s inspiring piece on How to Create Your Personal Manifesto.

Here are 100+ things I would like to do before well – leaving this life:

Knit a beanie – Tap dance – Spin fire – Run an ultramarthon – Get braces – Learn Spanish – Perform with a bluegrass band – Adopt a homeless pup – Go on a meditation retreat – Get married – Live in a cabin without electricity – Have a bookshelf with a ladder on it – Make dandelion wine – Have a garden- Learn how to can vegetables – Do a pull up – Write a song – Learn how to Irish dance – Bake a pie – Be my own best friend – Write a book – Don’t revert to cubicle life – Take violin lessons – Volunteer on an organic farm – Be able to take 2 steps on a slack line – Buy a hula hoop – Finish the Artist’s Way – Highlight my hair – Go on a 3-month long road trip – Be a camp host – Volunteer at an orphanage – Walk barefoot in a French vineyard – Visit New York City – Get a Master’s Degree in something fun – Cycle through Scotland – Deep water solo – Do a multi-pitch route – Run a road marathon – Attend Burning Man – Paraglide – Hike through Patagonia – Visit a Tibetan Monastary – Author a Lonely Planet guidebook – Lounge on beaches in the Dominican Republic – Hike the Na Pali Coast Trail – Drink a Guinness in an Irish Pub – Work at a National Park – Live somewhere where in the winter you have to ski to your door – Tell a story on This American Life – Volunteer a weekend at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary – Cross a border in a smuggler’s truck – Read all of The People’s History of the United States – Backpack a 200+mile trail – Lead 5.11 – Live in another country for at least 6 months – Eat noodles in Thailand – Ski in New Zealand – Rock Climb in Potrero Chico – Be in Mexico on el Dia de los Muertos – Visit Salvador Dali’s museum – Trek to Machu Picchu – Hike France’s 100-mile GR20 trail – Spend a weekend in Portland – Visit Michael Heizer’s Earthworks in Nevada – Visit Frida’s home in Mexico City – Have my very own cappuccino machine – Have a job that betters people’s lives – Run through a cornfield – Have a hammock in the backyard – Sip cocktails on a porch swing when I am 70 – Watch ever episode of the Muppets – Give birth – Drive to Alaska – See the giant Redwoods – Raft down the Salmon River – Go on an archeological dig – Do an adventure race – Throw my parents an anniversary bash – Get a hot stone massage