This past September was a very exciting month for me. It was the first month I made enough to pay my bills and eat SOLELY from writing. I was pretty proud since it had only been a year since I quit my job to pursue this so called writing life and I honestly thought it would take a heck of a lot longer if at all. October followed suit and how do I celebrate? I take a 40-hour a week office job.

Last Monday I returned to a desk just a few doors down from the office I left 14 months ago. It all happened so fast I’ve barely had a chance to process it. The truth is, the last month or so I’ve had quite a bit of trouble writing, thinking, and sleeping. My savings had dwindled to a serious low and the stress about my lack of health insurance (I am ineligible for comprehensive coverage because of a stupid pre-existing condition that isn’t even a big deal) had me applying at Starbucks.

I sent an email to my old boss to tell her I was using her as a reference for my Starbucks application and a few days later I got a job offer and it wasn’t from a coffee shop.

They would pay me my old salary and then some, give me full benefits, and I only needed to commit through July of next year. I would be helping to get a new grant off the ground and once data collection gets started early summer I would be once again set free.

I didn’t even hesitate. I took the job and started 6 days later.

I was for sure I would have some serious meltdown this past week, but the opposite has happened. I’ve had so much energy. Maybe it is the relief of knowing when my next paycheck is coming and the thrill of knowing that I’ve been living off a fifth of what’s going to be coming in. Hopefully all the excess will go right into the bank so I can take one big ass trip come next July. And health insurance – that feels soooo good.

Going back to the cube doesn’t mean I’ve failed (like I thought at first); it really is an incredible opportunity. I love my co-workers, I like that I get to work on a project that directly impacts people’s lives, I get to ride the train everyday (which I love), and I do enjoy a wee bit of stability. I love that my window looks out over the entire Salt Lake Valley and that a major earthquake support beam sits right behind my desk so I will be in the safest place when the big one finally hits Salt Lake.

Funny thing is I think I will be more productive with writing now that I have a 40-hour a week job. I was pretty poor at my time management and productivity (or lack thereof) habits even though I’ve read the Power of Less twice. I’ve always been more organized and productive the busier that I am.

I am really psyched to let go of a few of my horribly paying writing jobs and focus on the jobs I am stoked about. I took a few crap jobs to help me ease my money worries and they have been seriously sucking my soul.

I see this as a time to refocus.  I am going to read lots, write about topics of interest to me, dream big, drink lots of coffee, focus on my blogs, and run a ton (since I am running another 50K in February eek) all while working the 9 to 5. Oh and I celebrated my new job by buying a TBEX ticket since now I know I am going to be able to afford to go – yay!

For any of you following DirtbagWriter I have obviously abandoned my publication schedule during this last week and have well… decided to abandon it completely.  My gears have been churning and many new opportunities have risen from the dust so I’ve decided to make some big changes here.

Have you ever felt like starting over?  Well I am (sort of).  I am taking everything I’ve learned from the blogging world, Matador U, and all the peeps I’ve met over the last year and launching a whole new site dedicated to traveling the “Dirtbag” way.  I think I’ve finally narrowed in on that oh so elusive niche and am totally stoked to start a new site as well as several new projects that I will be announcing soon.

I will keep DirtbagWriter as my personal site and update it with news and updates on my writing aspirations as well as random thoughts or anything else I feel like sharing.

Stay tuned for the new site launch on June 1.

The world speaks in such mysterious ways sometimes….

I had just finished a post whining about my lack of desire to return to Salt Lake City in the coming weeks and then the next morning boarded a plane to St. Louis to visit my bestest friend in the world.  Plane then gets delayed in Colorado and I miss my connection in Salt Lake City forcing me to spend the night in Utah.  I hadn’t been ‘home’ in two months and was only expecting to view the city I have called home for the last 8-years from the bitty plane window.

I fly on average 5-10 times a year and find it funny that I have never ever missed a connection, although some times it has been really close.  And then I get stuck overnight in the one place I am trying to break free from.

Salt Lake isn’t a bad place.  It is just that I had plans, I wanted to live in many places – travel, see the world – I didn’t expect to get wedded to one place.

My lovely surprise evening in Salt Lake City was well spent.  Went to my fave restaurant, had a few too many of my favorite microbrews, saw good friends, slept in my own bed, got reunited with my pet cockatiel Frank, checked my heaping pile of mail for unpaid bills, and had powerful memories evoked about the city and the home I still have there.

Well I think for now I will return to Salt Lake after Thanksgiving and vow myself to once again try and make this place my home.

It doesn’t have to mean forever.  It’s cheap.  The people I love are there.  The mountains and opportunities therein are plentiful.  Plus, Salt Lake has made a great home base for getting out and exploring the globe.

In college I prided myself with being able to function highly on very little or no sleep at all. Barenaked Ladies’ Who Needs Sleep? was my mantra for most of those years.

Who needs sleep?
well you’re never gonna get it

In my twenties I delighted in the fact that I could sleep just about anywhere. I slept for nearly a year and a half without a bed – always getting by with very little. I tried my hands at vagabonding after dropping out of a PhD program in Psychology, ditching my apartment, selling most of my worldly positions, and traveling through Central America. Returning home I spent the summer crashing on friends couches, in parking lots in the back of Rubes, and in the mountains surrounding Salt Lake City.

Who needs sleep?
tell me what’s that for

One of my favorite homeless memories is partying late one night after work during the Blues festival at Snowbird resort and just heading up the mountain and finding a comfy spot to spend the night. I woke body next to the Earth and walked down the mountain already dressed for work.

Eventually lack of a home got, well, old. I found the cheapest, tiniest studio apartment I could find and made a bed of blankets and a therm-a-rest in the corner. I stayed here until I could save enough money to head out onto the open road again.

Then I met a man with a van…

Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
since the Second World War

By the time I hit my thirties – I was rigid and unyielding. The 9 to 5 life I had chosen made me inflexible and dependent on a mattress and 8-10 hours of solid, unadulterated sleep.

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I’ve done
Another sleepless night’s begun

Two months into my new lifestyle – I can’t sleep, I have all this energy. I am constantly breaking the night. I wake early with all these ideas and dreams and zest for life. I no longer experience my mid-afternoon slump. I google cures for insomnia, fear my imminent breakdown – could I be manic? I blame all these life changes and fears and stress and ughhh. But it finally just dawned on my – it appears I just may be suffering from one serious case of STOKE.

hala hala hala

As I look back at my goals for the first 3-months of my full-time freelance writing career, I wonder what I have accomplished during this whirlwind first month.  I am going to use these occasional check-ins as a way to monitor my progress, keep the motivation strong, and basically hold myself accountable so I don’t get completely swept away by my new found freedom.

Sure in the past few months I have had innumerable freak-outs. I feel less secure without good health insurance, a paycheck I can count on, and the certainty of where my life is headed. But all I need to do is take a look outside and look at the incredible mountains of Colorado that surround me and everything comes into focus.

For the first time in a long time, I feel truly happy. I have the freedom to literally do whatever the hell I want – read what I want, travel where and when I want, sleep when I want, run when I want, work when I want, drink wine whenever I want… Freedom is such a beautiful thing, yet totally overwhelming. It will take some time before I learn to focus my efforts, but for right now I will just let it be. Everything is only up to me from here on out.

(1) Moving/Housing Situation

After two weeks battling marble-sized hail, the occasional snowstorm, sketchy US hostels, and inconsistent Internet connections – I moved things inside.  Dirtbagging is so much more simple and pleasant in the summer months, but can be quite nerve frazzling with unpredictable fall weather. I found a reasonably priced room for a month or so in lovely Basalt, CO.  I feel like I am on some amazing writer’s retreat high in the Colorado Mountains. I am definitely going to have to do something about my apartment back in Salt Lake City – it is amazing how much an idealistic setting (i.e. back deck with mountain and lake views) can inspire.

(2) Matador U

So far I have been thrilled with Matador U and highly recommend it for any aspiring travel writer.  I have made some amazing connections, got valuable feedback on my writing, and been introduced to this entire new world of online publishing.  The course is also benefiting me by forcing me to tackle some writing styles that I tend to steer clear of.

(3) The Blogs

I haven’t exactly held up to my goal of contributing to my blogs 3-4 times a week.  I am going to let this goal slide this month because I think my time was better well spent querying publications and getting out an exploring the area before the snow starts.

(4) Query Query Query

I blew my goal of one query letter a week out of the water – even receiving nice rejection letters from many of them.  I also set up a pretty little submission log to track my progress.

(5) Financials and Other Not So Pleasant Stuff

Let’s just say I haven’t blown my entire savings yet, but I have only made about 7% of what I spent.  I did receive my final paycheck and vacation payout from work – so the month doesn’t look as ugly as it should.  Next month is already looking better.

(6) Other Notable Highlights

• Scored a gig as NileGuide’s Salt Lake City Local Expert – check out my profile here.
• Got assigned my first magazine piece at the mag I am interning at.
• Successfully queried a local sports magazine.
• Finally purchased an external drive – back-up your work peeps!

I wake slowly with my feet dangling out of the back of the car.  It takes me a few moments to recall where I am after digging myself out of the stack of pillows and blankets I had piled over my head to hide from the rising high altitude sun.  I reach for my glasses and see that I had parked the car at a perfect angle last night.  Sweeping views of the distant Wind River Range are framed perfectly in my open-aired bedroom window – my Subaru hatch.

I rise and take in the incredibly fresh air, a welcome relief since California fires have yet again made the air in Salt Lake totally suffocating.  Another layer is a must this morning as the wind whips wildly across the Wyoming plains.  I make lunch and stuff my climbing pack full for the days adventure.

I simply reheat my leftover coffee from the night before like I so often do as my thoughts drift back a few years to my first morning waking up in Ruby and to frozen solid coffee. It was Christmas Eve morning and a whim the night before had sent me packing up the new Subaru and heading south to the red rock desert of Southern Utah.  Just days old I had already affectionately coined her Ruby and was trying not to obsess over the fact that I simply could not afford such an impulse adoption.

Uncertainties with school and relationships had left me longing for the calming comfort of the red rock desert. Having never traveled to or camped in the desert alone – I was scared yet determined.  I wanted a different life.

Tired and weary from too many thoughts, I found a campsite along the Colorado River and crawled into the back of my new wagon.  I put on my hat and gloves and crawled into my not-made-for-winter sleeping bag.  As the heat dissipated from the car, I wedged a few extra blankets around the bag and looked forward to morning.  Amazingly, I slept better than I had in months.

The sun didn’t rise over the tall sandstone cliffs until late morning.  I crawled to the front seat, turned the key, and watched the thermostat read a chilly 17 degrees.  I craved a sip of my coffee from the night before but it was frozen solid.  I started the car and headed off towards town in search of a warm brew.

I was not one to have a car define me but Ruby propelled me into something new.  I spent that day hiking and discovering the Needles, now my most favorite place on Earth. I grieved my past and recent losses while wandering through the most beautiful landscape I had ever seen.  Although my new life was not yet apparent I was curious and couldn’t wait to see what was in store.

Now just two yeas later me and Rubes have already shared a lifetime of experiences together. I shed my pack, crack open a Pabst, and hop on her back to watch the late sun cast all sorts of colors on the Winds.  The ice-cold beer soothes my fingers that have been shred to pieces by the sharp limestone of Wild Iris and then the full moon rises and soothes something deep inside me.  I retreat to the tent tonight and whisper goodnight to Ruby and thank her quietly for all the adventures and bravery she has inspired in me.