Dirtbag Writer

Compromising Values and Jaw Bones?

Posted on 17. Feb, 2010 by Writer in On Living

Last night I dreamt that the right half of my jaw literally fell out of mouth, at first I thought it had to do with the Nova episode I watched last night about Machu Picchu (there were lots and lots of skeletons and jawbones and teeth – check it out it is awesome).  But then I got this odd sense of déjà vu like this wasn’t the first time I had dreamed this.

After spending the entire morning severely disturbed about that dream with increasing tightness in my jaw, I went to my favorite dream interpreting website, Dreamforth, and this is what they had to say.  “To dream that you break or dislocated your jaw, suggests that you are compromising your own beliefs and principles.”

I read this out loud to my boyfriend and he said, “Ahh that totally makes sense.”  And I was like, “Huh?”  And he was like, “you are totally compromising all your own goals by taking on all this other work.”  And then I was like, “Oh.”  You see I have this way of not recognizing my stresses.  My physical body notices but my mind stays oblivious.

At the end of this month it will be 6-months since I left my job to pursue grander things.  I quit my job then headed to Colorado for an internship with a magazine and then came back to Salt Lake where I have been dallying in all sorts of writing projects and self-improvement endeavors.

For some extra cash and a ski pass, I have been waiting tables a night or two a week at one of the area resorts.  Not a problem, I actually find waiting tables a blast and a nice break from the laptop and solitary writing life.

Well a week or so ago I got an email from my old boss with the subject line “Don’t kill me.”  The rest of the email read “Wow! You are doing all kinds of writing and living. Good for you. I don’t want to insult you. Do you need $$$? We just lost a coder… are you interested in part-time, out-of-office, temporary work.”  She even went on to say “you can work at home (or even in nature with a battery).”

This email demonstrates a snippet of the amazing job I gave up and how well my boss knew me.  I worked for the University of Utah and managed some grants for one amazing woman.  I ran research studies and did some statistics and database programming.  I got the most ridiculously amazing benefits (like $8/month health insurance with no deductible), discounts on tuition, total flexibility, and a great crew of co-workers, but I unfortunately outgrew the position (I must be totally insane).

The truth is I miss it.   I miss the people, I miss the stability, and I miss the structure.  Why do you always have to leave something to realize how wonderful it is?  Well actually I did know how great it was while I was there but I thought I had to leave before I got too comfortable and never gave my dreams a real shot.

So I said yes.  The work is only temporary, and I get a good chunk of cash to help me out with my summer on the road cuz as it looks I am going to need it – a few weeks in Central America, followed by a month in Hawaii, and then a month long climbing trip in the West…  Sure I am worried about how all this extra work will “compromise my principles” – but things always have there way of working out.  And hell I can earn some cash working in nature (with a battery) if I please.

And yes I just rediscovered photo booth

Tags: Anxiety, Decisions, Dreams, Jobs