Burn Them or Cherish Them? What to Do With Old Journals

Burn Them or Cherish Them? What to Do With Old Journals

Posted on 17. Dec, 2009 by Writer in On Writing

I always get slightly uncomfortable when I hear they are publishing someone’s diaries.  With the controversial release of Carl Jung’s The Red Book, I am confronted with what to do with the growing piles of journals I have held onto throughout the years.

The Red Book is part journal and part mythical fiction – a record of Jung’s fantasies and hallucinations during what some people would label Jung’s psychosis.  Jung kept his Red Book well protected under lock and key throughout his life yet left no instruction with what to do with it after he died.  His family found the ramblings and strange drawings in the Red Book intensely private and kept the book away from the public eye since his death in 1961. Some believe the book should not be published because it has the potential to so severely change our views of Jung that his widely popular theories may be simply dismissed as the musings of a complete psychopath.  Some believe the book is filled with infinite wisdom.  Either way, I want to read it.

Call me morbid but I fear that I will die in some freak accident and then everyone will read my journals and then totally have their perception of me forever altered for the worse.  By everyone I mean my family, my loved ones – the people that care so much about me.

Perhaps they will be forever haunted by all the harsh words I have written over the years.  Maybe they would now view me as this angry, bitter, and depressed little bitch rather than simply believing that I had used my journal to vent my frustrations and work through my feelings.  I rarely journal about how much I love people and all the good things that have happened in my life – maybe I should start.

This fear is so strong that I have had my boyfriend swear that if anything ever happens to me the first thing he will do is toss out my stack of weathered journals.

Why do I hang on to them?

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Maybe I just like having the records of my life experiences; maybe I just can’t throw anything out.  Maybe I am still look for meaning in all the pain I have experienced throughout the years; maybe I am still working through some things and think some of those old thoughts can help.  Maybe I want a measure of my growth and emotional maturity; maybe on some unconscious level I want someone to read them – maybe I want my loved ones to know about all those inner demons I have struggled so deeply with.

Maybe I think that through them is the only way to get to know me – as the Indigo Girls describe in their song Virginia Wolf, “but they’ll sweat in their hopelessness in the rage we’re all the same the men of anger and the women of the page they published your diary and that’s how I got to know you.”

Whenever I am dealing with change, whether it be the end of a relationship or simply packing up my belongings and moving on, I love reading through these old journals and reflecting and weeping about the past.  I like to be reminded that at one point my life was simple, like at age 8 my journal entries usually went like this – Dear Diary, Woke up, went to school, had tater tots at lunch – they were good. And then there was high school and pages and pages of angst with lots of references to Alanis Morisette lyrics and then I laugh and am happy as hell that I never have to go through that again.  And then there are the 20’s and when things really get crazy.  And now I am almost a year into my 30’s and my tone has changed and oh how I hope it will last.

And then I wonder – will our grandchildren get to know us by reading ancient facebook posts and blog ramblings.  Our future generations will have so many more snippets – is that good or is that bad?  I feel like that there won’t be as many questions since we now seem to spew every thought that comes our way.  Sylvia Plath’s journals were so cryptic and we are now so transparent.

And I am still wondering what to do with those stacks and stack of journals.  Burn them, read through them and cut out all the best pieces and glue into a new journal and trash the rest, maybe scan them and leave them password protected somewhere, or just keep them as is.

What do you do with your old journals?

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9 Responses to “Burn Them or Cherish Them? What to Do With Old Journals”

  1. Robyn

    17. Dec, 2009

    I held on to boxes of journals for a long time until recently. They were such a sanctuary for me for years – a place to work out the internal drama. I seem not to use my journals as much for this anymore but still have one active and a few recent that I’ve kept. I’ve linked to my Journal Story which I posted earlier this year-
    http://nomadneedles.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/psychological-side-of-parting-with-old-journals/

    I remember actually feeling guilty for having to read Anne Frank’s diary in school. I thought it was such a betrayal of her privacy. Little did she know how her words would affect the world.

  2. neha

    18. Dec, 2009

    Great post! I never kept a diary as a kid because I was terrified my parents would find it and read it. Too many of my friends got into too much trouble over diaries.

    I especially loved this part of the post – ‘I like to be reminded that at one point my life was simple, like at age 8 my journal entries usually went like this – Dear Diary, Woke up, went to school, had tater tots at lunch – they were good.’

  3. JoAnna

    18. Dec, 2009

    I must have at least 20 journals sitting in a trunk in my garage. Way back in the day I had many an entry like your tator tot note above, but I’ve definitely recorded some intensely personal entries since then. I think I’ll always keep them. If someone reads them someday, I think I’ll feel honored. I don’t mind if my life is an open book.

  4. Maya

    18. Dec, 2009

    I keep my old diaries stored – some here at my place and the older ones at my parents’ house (I’m past the point of thinking, or caring, that they’ll read the old ones as it’s been a good while since they’ve been able to ground me :)

    I love to look back on these and recall both the highs and lows. It especially helps when I am going through a rough time and think “how will I ever get through this?”. I look back at the times in the past where I wrote similar things and realize, “hey i did get through it and turned out just fine!”.

    My dad did something really wonderful for my 21st bday (that didn’t involve alcohol!). He compiled his journal entries for the last 20 years that he’d written on my actual bday and put them together in a booklet. They were all rather reflective about the year and how I’d grown and remembering bdays past. It was one of my favorite gifts I’ve ever received b/c it was something so real and personal. This alone is enough to make me save my journals!

  5. Candice

    18. Dec, 2009

    Funny, my friend JUST posted a blog entry like this. Impressive collection of journals! I’ve been journalling since I was six, actually, and I find it incredibly amusing/humbling to look back on my life over the years.

    I actually want people to read mine when (ugh, hate saying this) I pass on…I don’t know why, as like you said, I only journal when I’m unhappy and those entries are never, ever flattering for anyone. But I feel like it’d explain all the ups and downs, y’know?

  6. Nancy

    22. Dec, 2009

    Great post Amiee. I too, don’t know what to do with my collection of journals. I’ve been journaling since I was 8. My most prolific journaling period was from the age of 17-22, exactly when I don’t want anyone reading my thoughts, escapades, etc. lol. I like looking back over them to see how far I’ve come in my personal/emotional development, why I am the way I am. They also tend to be intertwined with my travels, so I definitely like to keep those journals. To conclude, I have no idea what I’ll do with them!

  7. BCOT

    07. Jan, 2010

    hehehehehehe…funny. Because I was just looking at some old journals and wondering if I should keep or throw away. I’m afraid that when I die…someone might read something I wouldn’t want. Hopefully, I will not die any time in the near future.

  8. Lindsey

    12. Feb, 2010

    Oh I can really relate to this post! I am 26 this year (2010), and I too am deathly worried that in the event of an untimely death for me, my parents will read my journals (20 volumes over the past 10 years, since I started when I was 16), and I have instructed my best friend to go to my house where I store them and take them away. I haven’t written much NEGATIVE things in there, but I sure have written some TRASHY things, involving various dalliances with certain men and boys in my life. Stuff I’d rather not have my parents know about. BUT, I will never ever burn them or throw them away, because it is my intention someday to pass them onto my grandson or granddaughter when they become of age, maybe in their 20s. I wouldn’t feel comfortable to give them to my children because that relationship is a little too close, but grandchildren are another matter. Just think of how cool it would be if when you reached your mid 20s, your grandmother or grandfather gave you a whole set of books about his/her life, and you got to see what they were like, what they did, and what the world was like when they were your age. Even if your grandmother was slightly trashy… Hell, I’d probably like my grandma more after reading something like that! So that’s my plan. Now I just have to figure out how to survive and help my children survive so I have some grandkids to give these journals to!

  9. Writer

    16. Feb, 2010

    I love that – I would also much rather have my grandkids reading the intimate details of my life rather than my own children. Maybe I won’t burn them all…

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